


you been holding your breath, weighted down

by Anonymous



Category: Professional Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Ch3: Hiromu please shut up, M/M, Two Assholes in Love, ch2: jealous desperado content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Chapter 7: pillow talk“I used to think you were a real asshole.”Zack hums. Body still pleasantly aching from the absolute number Desperado had put him through. “And what do you think of me now?”“That you’re still an asshole.”———Future collection of what it means to get together, to fall apart, and find each other all over again. These aren’t set in any particular order and will more than likely just be at different turning points in their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

“Didn’t know we had so much in common?”

“What?”

“An unfortune penchant for dickheads who are completely out of our league.” Zack turns his laptop around to point at a particularly unflattering still of Desperado standing alongside a much younger, and certainty more naive, rendition of the golden star. “Ibushi being one of them.” 

Desperado doesn’t know how he feels about that admission, even with the added security of the large Omega shaped barrier that’s kept Zack from getting any one of his two precious trophies. 

“I don’t know, you’re pretty low tier all things considered.”

Desperado doesn’t have enough time to properly digest the consequences of his own half assed confession before Zack is filling up his space. 

“What did you just say?” Zack’s a thin, gangly motherfucker, that looks like he’d fall over at the slightest gust of wind. But desperado knows him, has witnessed bigger men buckle under the blunt force behind every one of those vicious knee strikes first hand, so he knows that if needed be Zack could technically kick his ass. Would he pass up on the opportunity to is entirely up in the air. 

Desperado feels just brave enough to test it. “For being so intelligent you’re pretty fucking stupid.”

“So says the arsehole wasting my time if I’ve completed read the situation wrong.” Zack waits on him expectantly before Desperado reaches out to touch the back of his knees. Fingers curling against the hot skin and dipping into the tops of his socks, running along the elastic in a maddeningly distracting way. 

It’s a shame he’s wasted all this time and energy on the what if’s, especially when Zack could have had more if he’d only asked. He’s almost light headed with the possibility that Desperado is giving him access to more than just the fleeting claps on the back, and occasional sling of a loose and friendly embrace, things that could have honestly fed Zack for weeks. 

Months even.

And isn’t that a truly terrifying thought?

“I think I can live with lowering my standards just this once.” Desperado teases at kissing him and Zack, ever impatient after what feels like literal years of want, tugs the fucker down into a proper kiss. 

It’s just as good as he imagined, but it’s to be expected, especially when he finally has the real thing to reaffirm all of his best scenarios to.


	2. Just shut up, know you’re my favorite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place just before Taichi’s never open weight win and that three way tag match between SZG vs LIJ match in Long Beach at the Walter Pyramid.

He’s pissed. 

Enough so to chuck his tag belt into the nearest locker and only get the slightest bit of satisfaction out of the noise it makes on direct contact. That feeling lasts all of two minutes, before the tinnitus gets to be too much and Desperado is left to deal with a headache outside of the residual anger. 

It’s bad enough he’d been cheated a chance to get a title shot at the junior heavyweight belt but now, he has to deal with the loss against Jushin Thunder Liger and Tiger Mask of all people. A loss against Roppongi 3k may have been less embarrassing, but then again they couldn’t take the belts even if Desperado had dropped them on the floor. 

He almost laughs at the thought before he hears the locker room doors open. Kanemaru stares at him from around the corner, already dressed down to his street clothes but still clutching that bottle of Suntory Whiskey, desperado almost considers asking him for a swig before he realizes they’re still technically on the clock. 

“That was bullshit.”

“It was bullshit.” Kanemaru takes a large swallow before handing Desperado the bottle. He only takes a modest drink before passing it right back, Desperado is almost proud of himself for that. “The boss is gonna fight that straw haired fucker soon so we should probably go.”

“Yeah.” At least seeing the Boss choke the living shit out of that lazy asshole would make him feel better, maybe they’d even win. 

They end up losing. 

The booking is fucked enough that they end up having Suzuki Gun lose twice in one night but that loss feels even greater to Desperado when he notices the way Zack focuses on Evil. The electric push and pull of that odd new something playing out on screen as they continue to feud verbally from both in and outside of the ring. It doesn’t matter that the sound technicians can’t pick up even half of what they say because the way Zack can’t stop himself from looking away conveys everything.

Desperado knows this because he’s looked at Hiromu in the same way.

The pressure of glass against his side gives him all the distraction he needs and he’s almost thankful for it. He’s even more thankful that the concern on Kanemaru’s behalf is only addressed in the form of alcohol and a cursory clap on the shoulder. He doesn’t even complain when Desperado doesn’t hand the bottle back.

“Can’t believe I lost to that fucking prick.” Zack slams his locker door shut before turning his attention to Desperado, who is sat up and half leaning back against his own locker for support. He looks like he’s struggling with his laces and Zack has half a mind to do it for him until he hears Desperado mumble under his breath. “Didn’t quite catch that so you’re going to need to speak up, mate.”

“I said at least you’ll get a hot new feud out of this and maybe someone else to fuck with,” He yanks at his shoe lace. “Or just someone else to fuck.”

The lace breaks under the force, fed up, Desperado ends up kicking his shoe off, and if Zack weren’t so agitated he’d laugh at the literal and metaphorical of having witnessed the shoe drop. 

“Are you jealous?” 

Desperado frowns before failing once again at removing the opposite shoe, that’s all the confirmation Zack requires.

“Need I remind you that I lost against that Halloween Tim Burton reject? It’s an utter embarrassment I’m even having to admit that in the first place, quite honestly.” Desperado still won’t look at him, so Zack forces him to by grabbing his ankle and unlacing the damned shoe for him. “There’s only one sod in a Halloween mask that I’m willing to sleep with.”

“As opposed to?”

“Fuckin’ Jushin Thunder Liger.” That insult finally gets Desperado to look at him. “Now stop playing stupid because I’m well versed in the art of knowing when you’re looking to have your ego stroked.” 

“Is that what we’re calling it now?” 

Zack laughs, loud, and overly obnoxious. “If you ask nicely I might just do more than stroke your ego.” 

He shoves at Desperado when he asks whether or not he’ll be using his Zack Driver as well, to which Zack cheekily responds, “Straight into your ass,” before wrestling him into the disgusting locker room floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of feelings about all that great Zack vs Evil content, especially since Zack gets a huge rise out of antagonizing him. It was also a good excuse for jealous Despy.


	3. won’t give a name to this thing I’m feeling

“Do you ever fuck with the mask on?”

“Have you?”

“No, but I’ve fucked plenty of guys in masks.” 

Desperado knows implicitly who those very men are but he tries not think on if that extends even further to those inside of Hiromu’s own stable. It’s bad enough knowing he’s been inside of the same body as Naito. 

“Boring,” Hiromu bops him on the nose before rolling away to dig through the discarded mess on the floor. “But I guess the metaphorical one counts for something.” And if Desperado weren’t so annoyed by that he’d be thankful for the fact that Hiromu was one of the very few lays in his contacts that refused to take him up on his half hearted offers for coffee, Hiromu always took the opportunity to immediately head home instead. 

In this rare occurrence however, he lingered just long enough to shoot Desperado a particularly dangerous grin. “Maybe wear the mask where you actually have the courage to ask Octopus-San out on a date. Especially since this is the second time you’ve called me Zack while getting you off....which is very rude, by the way.”

Desperado throws the tied off condom in Hiromu’s direction and misses entirely, but it does little to dissuade Desperado from the absolute enjoyment he gets out of hearing Hiromu eat shit while trying to run away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You’re fucked when even your casual partners see your crush from a mile away. Cool down Drabble written between these two longer pieces I got going.


	4. cariño

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some light pining about your best mate because there’s not enough ZSJ in emotional turmoil over feelings.
> 
> Written forever ago in my backlog of despy/ZSJ content. Title taken from the superclean vol. II soundtrack by the Marías.

He spends a lot of time thinking about Desperado’s chest and ass, which comes off about as cliched as one can get in terms of physical attraction, but Zack supposes that there’s a little truth in having some form of interest for what he inherently lacks. 

It’s just that all of those thoughts leads to a few moments of weakness where Zack can’t focus on anything but Desperado. And all of those harried moments that have lead to Zack masturbating in the locker room showers, or in between one too many pints and an evening of loneliness, inevitably result in expanding outside of the surface level lust. 

It’s scarier and Zack thinks he’d very much prefer the fantasies of frantically getting Desperado off, than lingering on the concept of just how good it’d feel to do nothing more than waking up together in the same bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this after Taichi made that infamous tweet of Desperado standing naked in that lone locker room shower stall. 
> 
> Was really close to making this Taichi/Despy/Zack but figured it’d need more background + wouldn’t fit with the general theme of the other shorts.

“You mind telling me why I can’t get a proper nude out of you but Taichi has got an entire back log of dick picks on his phone?”

It’s embarrassing how long it takes for desperado to realize he’s referring to the entire shower stall ordeal. Which in retrospect sounded like a great idea until Zack indirectly confirmed all his suspicions in concerns to Taichi’s general lack of awareness or shame. He’s only half embarrassed for himself but moreover for Taichi, who’d probably looked like a creep pouring in so much time and energy into censoring over his dick. 

“You want a picture of my dick?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“I’ll send you pictures if you turn your airdrop on,” Taichi answers unprovoked. “But just know that those were supposed to be for a coffee table book. So Merry early Christmas.”

“He’s got enough to self publish now?” 

Taichi grins over his phone at Desperado, clearly enjoying the entire ordeal, before forfeiting the device over to Zack. Who immediately makes no qualms about going through the entirety of Taichi’s photo gallery for the fore mentioned pictures. Desperado leaves to save himself the embarrassment as soon as he hears the two of them begin to rank their top five. 

It’s not until he’s alone in the hotel room, entirely spent from his earlier match and lounging in a hotel towel, that Desperado really considers Zack’s request. He spares a glance at the bedside clock, ten minutes have passed since Zack left with the others to go buy some beers. 

It’s enough of a window to snap a few pictures.

Desperado talks himself into it before quickly losing his nerve and telling himself to just forget the idea entirely. It was stupid anyways. He goes to fumble along the bed for his phone again, eventually picking it up, before quickly realizing its not his but Zack’s. 

It’s unlocked. 

Suddenly Desperado has got his nerves and that’s enough of a push to send Zack off with something nice to look at until he’s back in Japan. 

 

“How angry do you think Suzuki would be if I told him you missed your flight?” Zack hasn’t let go of Desperado since he’d checked in. He refuses to let go even as Taichi teases the both of them for hugging in the middle of foot traffic. 

“Enough to consider letting Taichi be his second if he kills me.”

They’re not in Japan so Desperado has a bit more leniency in terms of public affection, he drinks it up for as long as he can before he realizes he’s in very real danger of missing his flight. Taichi gives a five minute warning while Zack is in the middle of kissing him. Desperado laughs as Zack whines before he pulls apart with one last quick squeeze. 

“Call me when you get back, yeah?”

“Only if you’re still up, otherwise I’ll text.”

“I’ll always stay up for you.” Zack smiles sweetly. The action goes straight to Desperado’s heart before he shoves Zack away when he references something else that’ll be up. 

Which reminds him. “I took some pictures for you on your phone but don’t fucking look at them until you’re alone.”

“You cheeky fucker.”

“You’re welcome.” Desperado kisses Zack one last time before Taichi drops by to bodily drag them apart. He can hear Suzuki threatening to murder Zack in the foreground but it’s well worth it, if only to catch the way Zack looks at him like he’s the most important person in the world.


	6. everything is yours

“What are you thinking?”

About how he’s going to lose the tag belts to a pass off junior and some other Ingoberdickhead with a bad hair cut. How the booking has been so fucked that’ll they’ll be lucky it doesn’t end in another useless three way. About how he hasn’t stopped replaying that conversation he had with Zack, months earlier, in the airport terminal and suggesting they see other people. 

“About how I’m really going to fucking hate waking up so early tomorrow with this hangover.” Desperado lies. 

“Thought you’d have a remedy down by now?”

“Shut up, I don’t want to fight.”

“You’ve done plenty of fighting, what’s a bit more going to do you?”

“Zack.” 

“Sorry. That was rude, I’m just trying to take the piss out of you.”

Which feels a lot like everyone has been doing more of these days. He’s tired of the snide side comments, tired of the utter joke his division seems to be to everyone but himself, and overall, he’s just exhausted.

Enough so to think about slipping out from underneath Zack’s arm and falling into the bed of someone else. 

It’s a dangerous thought, even with the added knowledge that whatever this is, isn’t entirely exclusive. Which Desperado is alright with, really. It was his suggestion in the first place that they see other people. Especially since he knows it’d be selfish to keep Zack when he knows he’s only partly in the country for a few weeks at a time. 

Sometimes mere days even.

But if they happen to be in the same content, well then they can pick back up from where they left off. Like normal and not at all like Desperado ruined something good by suggesting the very idea in the first place.

Desperado sighs into his pillow. He lets Zack hold him for a little bit longer and only feels half guilty about slipping out from the warm cradle of his embrace, as soon as Zack’s fast asleep. 

He tries not to be too loud as he sneaks out onto the balcony for a smoke. A proper one. Trading in the vape pen for harder hitting nicotine. Desperado coughs only a little bit on the first hit of his Lucky Strikes before settling back into the hand railing. 

He thinks about calling Hiromu. 

It’s a stupid thought but Desperado finds himself dialing him before his brain can process how much of a terrible idea that is. How no sane person would accept a call at nearly three in the morning but Hiromu isn’t exactly the most stable of people either.

So it really shouldn’t surprise him when Hiromu picks up to cheerfully answer the line despite the ridiculous hour. “Isn’t it too early for you to be calling for sex?”

“I’m not calling for a fuck, I just want to talk.”

“Phone sex, then? How exciting,” He can hear Hiromu shoulder his phone, switching sides, before rummaging around. It sounds like wood tapping against something so Desperado can take a quick guess that he’s been caught in the middle of a painting session. “I can pretend to be your cute under classman helping sexy Kyo senpai with his math homework.”

“Shut up, are you even good at math?”

“I’m a genius.” 

“Anyways, I just wanted to...I don’t know what I wanted actually.”

“I think you do. You’re just too scared to say it because then it’ll mean it’s true.”

Which is startlingly correct. Desperado grunts, already annoyed that Hiromu can read him despite being miles apart. 

Satisfied. Hiromu keeps talking in that steady cadence of his. The one he takes while he’s partly distracted but still splitting half of his attention on the conversation. Still very much invested even if his brain is preoccupied with a million other interesting things. 

“You want something. But you don’t want to voice it because your needs might contradict whatever preconceived notions you think the other person might have about your situation. You want to please but you also want to stay firm in your own desires.”

“So I’m fucked either way is what you’re saying?”

Hiromu sighs. Clearly annoyed Desperado just isn’t getting the obvious answer. “There’s no shame in voicing what you want.”

“Then I want you to shut up.”

“And I want you to stop calling me because you’re too cheap to get an actual therapist.” 

He doesn’t. 

These conversations are fun but Hiromu would really like at least a few hundred yen for his services or maybe a couple cup puddings. Hell, even force Desperado to be his still life model because he can only draw Naito so many times in one pose, before getting bored. The guy just goes straight to sleep every session.

Hiromu continues painting in silence. Not the slightest bit inconvenienced by the fact that he’s listening more or less to the background noise of outside traffic for the better half of ten minutes. An occasional exhale breaking through the background noise as Desperado continues to smoke.

The tired laugh that finally follows nearly startles Hiromu. 

“What if I don’t get what I want?”

Hiromu hums. Annoyed Desperado broke his concentration earlier while he was in the midst of making a straight line. The line work is definitely ruined but Hiromu sort of likes the imperfections. It makes everything feel more real and a little less fake.

He almost wishes he could show Desperado because then maybe he’d sort of understand what Hiromu was trying to tell him all those months ago. 

Not that it matters much now but it’s a thought. One that would probably help Desperado. “You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”

“Wow, thanks for the sage advice.” Spoken a little less mean and every bit as genuine as Desperado is truly capable of.

“You’re welcome. Now leave me alone and do whatever it is you need to do to fix your mess.”

“Good night then, asshole.”

“Buenas noches, cabron.” 

The line clicks and Desperado laughs as he reclines further into the railing. Snuffing out the butt of his cigarette into the heel of his slides before he takes a moment to himself. Really considering the bit of advice Hiromu had given him.

Advice he’s honestly surprised had been grounded in reality and been so painfully obvious. 

Desperado takes one last stabilizing breath as he collects his nerves before sneaking back inside. Painfully aware of how much he loves Zack as he turns into Desperado’s embrace as soon as he touches face with the sheets. His nose wrinkling at the smell of cigarettes before he sleepily mumbles into his chest. 

He loves Zack. Wants everything he could possibly be capable of giving him and wants to give everything in turn. 

He wants to be brave, to stop being afraid of having to endure month long stretches at a time, where they only have the convenience of hearing one another’s voices. 

He wants Zack to look at no one else but him. 

Because it’s always been no one else but Zack for him. It’s always been Zack.

Who grumbles irritably as Desperado dislodges him from the comfortable warmth of his chest to relocate the both of them into their sides. And continues to keep Zack from going back to sleep as Desperado desperately mumbles something into his temple. “What? What’s the matter?”

“I just want you to myself. I don’t know why I even suggested seeing other people while we’re both away? I hate it.”

Zack laughs utterly relieved. “Thank god, I’ve been able to think of nothing but that since you suggested it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It was a safety net, yeah? I mean, we were never mutually exclusive before and you suggesting it made sense. It’s just that the further into this we got, the more I thought about no one else but you. Not that there was ever really anyone else.”

Desperado lets out a shaky breath, utterly relieved, and a just little overwhelmed. And if he cries just a little well, Zack can’t make fun of him for making him an absolute mess. “I don’t like sharing. I’ve always been terrible at it.”

“I can see that.” Zack points between them at the knotted bunch of sheets that seem to favor Desperado’s half of the hotel bed. “You were hogging up all the sheets before you decided to wake me up.”

“You’re just too tall so you think you don’t have enough bedding.”

Zack rolls his eyes at the excuse before pulling them up into a proper hug, taking the sheets with them and settling back into Despy’s chest. Content to tuck his head beneath Desperado’s chin and soak up all the warmth of his body. 

“You can keep the sheets so long as I get to keep you.”

“You can have all of me.”

Zack smiles before kissing Desperado, on the chest and just over his heart. “Same darling, I’m all yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title named after “everything is yours” by kehlani. Wrote this as a companion piece to a longer fic I wrote that I don’t really like much so just eluded to here. Also was an excuse to write about these two bastards trying to figure out the trickier parts of having to work apart and how things don’t need to be complicated.


	7. Staring at a distance, this warmth is hard to find

“I used to think you were a real asshole.”

Zack hums. Body still pleasantly aching from the absolute number Desperado had put him through. “And what do you think of me now?”

“That you’re still an asshole.”

Zack laughs. Turning his head just slightly to catch Desperado from out of the corner of his eye. 

He wants to tug at his hair, maybe run his thumb over the patch of hair on Desperado’s chin, to see that low ember reignite itself into a blazing inferno but he’s still trying to get his own limbs to go back online. Desperado had done a well enough job to leave Zack near incapacitated. So instead Zack focuses on his words while he rides out the last few ebbs of aching tension in his lower body.

“you do know how much I love a man who can stay consistent.”

“But you’re also a bit arrogant and cocky, sometimes even to a fault, where you self sabotage. And you have a tendency to get a bit preachy when we have conflicting interests.”

“You’re such a sweet talker Despy, a real charmer you are.” Zack interrupts before getting a playful shove to his shoulder in retaliation. 

“Let me finish,” Zack comically feigns at zipping his mouth and it gets a genuine laugh out of Desperado before he continues on with his line of thought. “But you can also be the loudest one in the crowd to voice your support. I like that that sentiment bleeds out into your beliefs, you’re not afraid of the fall out, because you’re not afraid to be unapologetically you. I love you for that.”

“Are you trying to entrap me with the ‘L’ word?”

“I was hoping the pregnancy would, actually.”

Which reminds him, they really ought to buy more condoms. Especially when Zack has to now commit himself to dealing with the absolute mess Desperado has made of him. He’s going to make certain Despy hears about it all throughout breakfast and his early morning departure. 

But in the mean time he’ll bask in the aftermath and engage Desperado in their rather endearing form of pillow talk. 

“Well, since we’re on the topic of first impressions, why don’t I share my initial thoughts on you?”

“Which I’m sure you’ll tell me even if I say I don’t want to hear them.”

“Absolutely.” Zack grins. “So humor me a bit, lovely.”

Desperado rolls his eyes but the small smile he gives at the endearment clearly gives him away. “What did you think?”

“That you were an absolute tosser in a Jack Skellington mask.”

“You’ve watched the Nightmare Before Christmas?”

“Everyone’s seen that rubbish but somehow people have still overlooked the socioeconomic benefits of educating themselves by watching Forks over Knives or Food Inc. but that’s besides the point. The topic of focus is that once we got on...I began to understand what the idiotic appeal of Halloween was all about.”

“I’m definitely telling Evil you said that. Should I be worried that you’ll start carrying a miniature sickle to the ring like Milano now?”

“Shut it.”

Zack attempts to roll away in embarrassment before Desperado catches him along the ribs, using own weight to pin him down. He may be taller and outweigh Desperado but it’s always felt like he’s had more mass to properly bring Zack to heel. The added notion that Zack likes to be anchored down, whether it be when they slept or fucked, helped just the slightest bit. 

Once settled, Desperado appeases him with a kiss. Reveling in the biting sting of weeks old stubble as he rests against Zack’s temple. Content to lay there despite the tacky mess still drying along Zack’s thighs and chest. 

“It was such a stupid thought but I told myself that I could love this awful bastard in a coin shop mask.” Zack admits quietly. Running his hands through Despy’s hair before touching his face, reverent in the way he traces over Desperado’s brow. “And that if I ever saw him again I’d properly kick his ass and make him love me.”

Desperado turns into his palm, kissing the upturned surface. “How did that turn out?”

Zack smiles. “Rather well actually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is semi old and was posted up on tumblr a while back but I’m trying to clean out finished stuff from WIPS. So have some cute pillow talk fic.

**Author's Note:**

> I already have four different pieces writen, all in various states of completion, but noticed they weren’t long enough to publish on their own. So I figured I might as well just put everything together into a collection of much shorter works.
> 
> It also gives me the added freedom of not stressing out over length and ruining something because it wasn’t long enough.


End file.
